Yesterday I got asked by one of the five-year-olds at church when I was going to become a mother. It took me a few minutes to understand what she was asking me, and when I did I kind of gawked at her. I told her that I wasn't planning on becoming a mother yet; that marriage comes first, then children. She, along with the other children with whom I was coloring, seemed completely confused by this concept; apparently in Gypsy culture, the unspoken assumption/rule is basically this: dating, sleeping together, baby, marriage (sometimes)... and not necessarily all in that order. And of course once I opened up my "confusing" can of worms for these dear children, the curiosity turned into "Emily, when are you getting married?" (this is a very frequent question as of late because it's been "the gossip of the village") and "Emily, T and D were kissing each other today during Sunday school" (complete with auditory and visual descriptions) and "Emily, do you and The Boy kiss?" (grins, raised eyebrows, a little too much gleeful anticipation waiting for the answer).
Good heavens! When I was their age (between the ages of three and ten), I was too busy playing in the mud with brother's one and two; or climbing trees; or playing with the imaginary horse that lived between my bed and the wall of my room (yes, I'm openly admitting that); or playing baby dolls or stuffed animals with sister's one and two; or riding bikes; or playing dress up and tea party with sister one (remember those?!) or my best friend Abby; or starting to play sports (and never looking back); or playing Legos, Lincoln Logs or playmobile; or watching sister two draw amazing Tasha Tudor recreations; or my mother taking us (myself and brother's one and two) to the train store in Medallion Center and picking out a new Brio Train Set (sadly, I don't think that store's there anymore); or sneaking into my dad's van he used for catering (deemed "The Love Van" because if you spoke ill of it or weren't kind to it, it wouldn't start... I'm not kidding) and pretending to drive it (he somehow knew despite my efforts to be extremely cautious and quiet, and yes, I got in trouble!).
Anyway, I don't know what made my head start spinning more, the fact that these kids are so young and know more about the world than I did at their age (and still do, probably), or the fact that their loss of innocence is due to their families, community and culture being so open about everything and everyone being okay with that. I'm by no means an expert on parenting (clearly, I have no children of my own), and I'm learning that keeping everything sacred forever and ever isn't always the best method, but it seems to me that there are some things you just don't introduce a child to at the ripe age of five (or seven or even ten)! Innocence and naivety aren't necessarily a bad thing at times, especially for a child. It's just another area of this culture that baffles and confuses me, and yet doesn't all at the same time.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Fights, Legalism & Money- Oh My!
Last night was, uh, well, there are no words for it. Bible study was going so well and the message being given was so good, and something that was much needed to be heard by everyone, when all of a sudden things went south. Quickly. The focus became problems rather than the teaching.
Basically, the screaming, yelling, crying and arguing boiled down to this:
1. money. money, money (apparently the pastor in BB should be supporting everyone in Z)
2. legalism (christianity = being perfect. and because of that, not wanting to read the bible because one should already know everything.)
3. problems with authority (why doesn't everyone have a final say in decisions, why just Ben, David and Emily? and why are they in charge, not someone else?)
4. not dealing with problems (argue, fight, scream and cry for a while, but not actually resolve anything because we'd rather have the drama of holding something over someone's head and complain about it than actually fix the issue. oh, and the next day act as if nothing happened at all and every thing's fine.)
5. no understanding of the authoritative structure of how a church works (the problems that arise in the church in Z are no one's business but the people involved; therefore, don't go to the people in BB (who are in charge of the church here) and talk about/try to deal with them because it's rude and wrong.)
6. manipulation and tantrums (don't say the word "no;" don't tell people what he/she can and can't do or how to deal with problems because he/she already knows everything. oh, and when talking about an issue/problem, make sure to cut as many sentences off so that not only will the thought not be completed, but everything can be taken out of context and used against a person later.)
Last night I was too lax about the whole thing. (Eh, gypsies yelling and screaming at each other; it's normal.) But this morning I really started thinking about it, and the things people were actually saying, and realized it's far from okay. It begs two questions: How in the world did this much legalism and lack of understanding get into this little church, and how in the world do you deal with/address it when you have a mindset such as above? Yeah, I'm at a loss.
Basically, the screaming, yelling, crying and arguing boiled down to this:
1. money. money, money (apparently the pastor in BB should be supporting everyone in Z)
2. legalism (christianity = being perfect. and because of that, not wanting to read the bible because one should already know everything.)
3. problems with authority (why doesn't everyone have a final say in decisions, why just Ben, David and Emily? and why are they in charge, not someone else?)
4. not dealing with problems (argue, fight, scream and cry for a while, but not actually resolve anything because we'd rather have the drama of holding something over someone's head and complain about it than actually fix the issue. oh, and the next day act as if nothing happened at all and every thing's fine.)
5. no understanding of the authoritative structure of how a church works (the problems that arise in the church in Z are no one's business but the people involved; therefore, don't go to the people in BB (who are in charge of the church here) and talk about/try to deal with them because it's rude and wrong.)
6. manipulation and tantrums (don't say the word "no;" don't tell people what he/she can and can't do or how to deal with problems because he/she already knows everything. oh, and when talking about an issue/problem, make sure to cut as many sentences off so that not only will the thought not be completed, but everything can be taken out of context and used against a person later.)
Last night I was too lax about the whole thing. (Eh, gypsies yelling and screaming at each other; it's normal.) But this morning I really started thinking about it, and the things people were actually saying, and realized it's far from okay. It begs two questions: How in the world did this much legalism and lack of understanding get into this little church, and how in the world do you deal with/address it when you have a mindset such as above? Yeah, I'm at a loss.
Friday, May 14, 2010
This Has Been a Long Time Coming...
I'm not catholic. Nor do I believe that I need an intercessor to speak to God. However, so often as I walk through the cemetery and past the catholic church in the village, I so desperately want to go inside, go to the confessional and just talk about what's on my mind. Not that the priest would understand me, which is probably the draw for me. I'm fascinated, almost obsessed, with the idea of ducking into an old, cold building, basking in the glow of candles lit on behalf of the deceased, touching the feet of the virgin mother followed by clinging to the crucifix, and then confessing to a priest in a booth where we're only separated by a lattice work of some sort. Is that ridiculous? Probably. And yet, I think about it every single time I walk past the church. I think about it every single time I pass the shrine to Mary. I think about it every time I pass the numerous tombstones and graves covered in flowers and candles quietly protecting the decayed remains of loved ones.
The longer I live in Europe, and especially now that I'm living amongst and working with the gypsy community, I have slowly started to shed so much of my fundamental evangelical conservative upbringing. Those values, those beliefs so often do not work in Europe, and trying to bring a pretty "closed American mindset" to Europe and make them fit into it only creates confusion, frustration and most people, especially gypsies, don't understand or get it. I've struggled internally with how to minister to the gypsy community over the last several months and constantly hearing the "this one extremely conservative American formula is what you must enforce when ministering" speech from nameless sources doesn't help. I don't like "boxes" or a self-help book that says "here's your formula for finding your purpose in life and what will make life just dandy for you if follow it religiously- oh, and you must decide immediately if this is the decision you're going to make for your life." I have a friend who once told me salvation is a process; the more I think about that, and the longer I live in Slovakia, I think she's right.
I don't like the idea of enforcing an idea that seems to work (generally speaking) in extremely conservative, somewhat close minded, bible-belt southern America into more open minded, liberal, confused former communist Slovakia and expecting it take hold and flourish immediately. Most of the time, it doesn't work. Slovakia is not America! Europe isn't America, either. And I think so many missionaries forget that. I often think they think they'll come evangelize, church plant, whatever, and use as many models from America as possible with little regard to the culture, customs, beliefs and socials norms of the country in which they live. And then when it doesn't work, or isn't coming along they way they want/expect, they get frustrated. Well, I wonder why! (And please do not take this to mean that I am stating that I am not guilty of any of this because I am, nor am I trying to offend missionaries or stating that all missionaries do this because they don't; I'm speaking generally/stereotypically here.)
I think one of the best things I did for myself was read a book titled "Crazy for God" by Frank Schaeffer back in February or so. I cannot even begin to tell you how my whole childhood all of a sudden made so much sense to me. How all these internal struggles over the last few months started to shatter with understanding. How the feeling of being torn between trying to be more open minded and yet having the legalistic pull of "Oh no, that's wrong and you can't do that because some authoritative figure who's word is pretty much next to God himself said so!" seemed to dissipate and bring much needed freedom into my life. (Any of my siblings who might be reading this, please do yourself a favor and read this book if you haven't already. It will bring much needed enlightenment to your life and mental well-being!) The fog of confusion lifted with each page I turned, and I was introduced into a whole new world of freedom, letting go of legalism, thinking well outside of a stupid box, of understanding many of the people I grew up with.
I think that's part of the reason I feel the way I do when I walk through the cemetery or pass the catholic church. I think Europe has been on the best things that has happened to me both personally and spiritually. Struggling, learning, growing, shedding, stumbling, being humbled, being "liberated" have all been part of the salvific process the Lord has been using to bring me to where I am now- more open minded, less judgmental, less "box" minded, more attentive to my surroundings and the people in them. I want to adapt more to this culture. I want to understand it better. I want to be more open minded. I want to know where the people are coming from. What makes them who they are and why. And with that comes the odd desire to seek refuge with a priest who doesn't understand me, a virgin mother who is merely a statue and a crucifix that should probably stand empty because our Savior has risen.
The longer I live in Europe, and especially now that I'm living amongst and working with the gypsy community, I have slowly started to shed so much of my fundamental evangelical conservative upbringing. Those values, those beliefs so often do not work in Europe, and trying to bring a pretty "closed American mindset" to Europe and make them fit into it only creates confusion, frustration and most people, especially gypsies, don't understand or get it. I've struggled internally with how to minister to the gypsy community over the last several months and constantly hearing the "this one extremely conservative American formula is what you must enforce when ministering" speech from nameless sources doesn't help. I don't like "boxes" or a self-help book that says "here's your formula for finding your purpose in life and what will make life just dandy for you if follow it religiously- oh, and you must decide immediately if this is the decision you're going to make for your life." I have a friend who once told me salvation is a process; the more I think about that, and the longer I live in Slovakia, I think she's right.
I don't like the idea of enforcing an idea that seems to work (generally speaking) in extremely conservative, somewhat close minded, bible-belt southern America into more open minded, liberal, confused former communist Slovakia and expecting it take hold and flourish immediately. Most of the time, it doesn't work. Slovakia is not America! Europe isn't America, either. And I think so many missionaries forget that. I often think they think they'll come evangelize, church plant, whatever, and use as many models from America as possible with little regard to the culture, customs, beliefs and socials norms of the country in which they live. And then when it doesn't work, or isn't coming along they way they want/expect, they get frustrated. Well, I wonder why! (And please do not take this to mean that I am stating that I am not guilty of any of this because I am, nor am I trying to offend missionaries or stating that all missionaries do this because they don't; I'm speaking generally/stereotypically here.)
I think one of the best things I did for myself was read a book titled "Crazy for God" by Frank Schaeffer back in February or so. I cannot even begin to tell you how my whole childhood all of a sudden made so much sense to me. How all these internal struggles over the last few months started to shatter with understanding. How the feeling of being torn between trying to be more open minded and yet having the legalistic pull of "Oh no, that's wrong and you can't do that because some authoritative figure who's word is pretty much next to God himself said so!" seemed to dissipate and bring much needed freedom into my life. (Any of my siblings who might be reading this, please do yourself a favor and read this book if you haven't already. It will bring much needed enlightenment to your life and mental well-being!) The fog of confusion lifted with each page I turned, and I was introduced into a whole new world of freedom, letting go of legalism, thinking well outside of a stupid box, of understanding many of the people I grew up with.
I think that's part of the reason I feel the way I do when I walk through the cemetery or pass the catholic church. I think Europe has been on the best things that has happened to me both personally and spiritually. Struggling, learning, growing, shedding, stumbling, being humbled, being "liberated" have all been part of the salvific process the Lord has been using to bring me to where I am now- more open minded, less judgmental, less "box" minded, more attentive to my surroundings and the people in them. I want to adapt more to this culture. I want to understand it better. I want to be more open minded. I want to know where the people are coming from. What makes them who they are and why. And with that comes the odd desire to seek refuge with a priest who doesn't understand me, a virgin mother who is merely a statue and a crucifix that should probably stand empty because our Savior has risen.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Future Generation
It's been a while since I've posted anything of substance. There's been a lot I could blog about, but I haven't had the time, interest, desire. *sigh* A lot has happened- some of it frustrating, some it exciting. But for lack of time, and keeping my general readership awake, I won't go on and on and on.
One thing I have been thinking a lot about is children. No, no, not as in Tick-Tock, Listen to My Biological Clock, but more general terms- mainly other people's children. As I've been running/administrating/observing the small church in Z, something I've become keenly aware of is the church dynamics. Children. Preteens. Young teens. There are three adults. There are three of us who are in our twenties. The rest are eighteen and under. Youth. (I'd hardly call them young adults as their maturity level isn't always in accordance with their age.) Youth! Kids. Children. And lots of them. Sunday we had forty people in church, which is huge for us, and probably twenty-five of those people where the children/preteens. That's a huge percentage. And it makes me realize this: these children are the future of the church. Not the adults. Not the teens. But the children.
Knowing this changes things. If children are the future of this church, how do I/we reach them? How do we gear the church towards their nurturing without losing the adults and older teens/twenty-somethings who come? And me as a non-native speaker, how do I gear programs towards ministering to these kids? How do I plan/prepare programs? How do I train those with whom I'm working to help me, especially if they're not interested in working with children? And who do I contact about materials in Slovak? And how do I do this for gypsy children in a way where they learn about the gospel and why it's important to follow Christ all while letting them be who they are? (I know this might not make sense to you, but trust me, it makes sense to me after living here for the last few months.) All things to consider/pray about because I have no idea how to go about this. But I do know this is something that the Lord has continued to press upon me and I can't shake it. I can't help but think about Romans 10:12-14.
"12 For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile- the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, 13 for, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." 14 How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one in whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them?"
Something that come into the balance as I consider all this is that these children who attend the church and kids klub do not come from christian homes. They come from broken homes- divorce, incest, alcoholism, abuse. You name it, these kids have probably seen/heard it, which makes me very sad for them. Very few of them get much love from home. When I walk around the village it's not uncommon to hear a mother scream at her child or smack him/her around. Fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles... it doesn't matter. Because almost everyone is related in one form or another (an aunt on a mother's side, a brother on a father's side), they're all family and all in everyone's business. And because of that, most of the these kids get passed from one person to another depending on what the family has going on during the day with very little consideration for the kids' need for love, boundaries, or constructive activities. Or for their spiritual growth.
Because the parents of the children I work with are not believers themselves- or are believers who have turned away from the church/God/all beliefs in general or catholics who view church as something to attend at Easter and Christmas- they are not going to ask their children about what they learned at kids klub, or during church, or even if they believe in God for that matter. I don't even know if the parents ask their children where they've been except to scream at them about how they shouldn't have wandered off. These kids need love. They need structure. They need someone to show them how to be polite. How to show respect. And it breaks me when I watch them cower in trepidation when anyone tries to show them love or just smiles at them. Or when you try to talk to them and they hit you thinking it's funny. These kids don't have to follow the pattern of their parents and siblings. They don't have to live their lives doing nothing, dropping out of school, drinking, smoking. They could do so much more, but with no examples in their lives who's going to encourage change? Who's going to show love? Who's going to help them break the mold?
I'm not saying I'll be able do all that. I'm not trying to imply I'm a "savior" of sorts. But what I do know is that the Lord has brought to my attention a need and put me in a position to help do something about that. How? I haven't a clue, but I at least recognize the need and start praying about and trying to figure out how best to start thinking about programs geared towards the future generation of the church, of Zavadka and of Slovak society in general.
One thing I have been thinking a lot about is children. No, no, not as in Tick-Tock, Listen to My Biological Clock, but more general terms- mainly other people's children. As I've been running/administrating/observing the small church in Z, something I've become keenly aware of is the church dynamics. Children. Preteens. Young teens. There are three adults. There are three of us who are in our twenties. The rest are eighteen and under. Youth. (I'd hardly call them young adults as their maturity level isn't always in accordance with their age.) Youth! Kids. Children. And lots of them. Sunday we had forty people in church, which is huge for us, and probably twenty-five of those people where the children/preteens. That's a huge percentage. And it makes me realize this: these children are the future of the church. Not the adults. Not the teens. But the children.
Knowing this changes things. If children are the future of this church, how do I/we reach them? How do we gear the church towards their nurturing without losing the adults and older teens/twenty-somethings who come? And me as a non-native speaker, how do I gear programs towards ministering to these kids? How do I plan/prepare programs? How do I train those with whom I'm working to help me, especially if they're not interested in working with children? And who do I contact about materials in Slovak? And how do I do this for gypsy children in a way where they learn about the gospel and why it's important to follow Christ all while letting them be who they are? (I know this might not make sense to you, but trust me, it makes sense to me after living here for the last few months.) All things to consider/pray about because I have no idea how to go about this. But I do know this is something that the Lord has continued to press upon me and I can't shake it. I can't help but think about Romans 10:12-14.
"12 For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile- the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, 13 for, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." 14 How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one in whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them?"
Something that come into the balance as I consider all this is that these children who attend the church and kids klub do not come from christian homes. They come from broken homes- divorce, incest, alcoholism, abuse. You name it, these kids have probably seen/heard it, which makes me very sad for them. Very few of them get much love from home. When I walk around the village it's not uncommon to hear a mother scream at her child or smack him/her around. Fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles... it doesn't matter. Because almost everyone is related in one form or another (an aunt on a mother's side, a brother on a father's side), they're all family and all in everyone's business. And because of that, most of the these kids get passed from one person to another depending on what the family has going on during the day with very little consideration for the kids' need for love, boundaries, or constructive activities. Or for their spiritual growth.
Because the parents of the children I work with are not believers themselves- or are believers who have turned away from the church/God/all beliefs in general or catholics who view church as something to attend at Easter and Christmas- they are not going to ask their children about what they learned at kids klub, or during church, or even if they believe in God for that matter. I don't even know if the parents ask their children where they've been except to scream at them about how they shouldn't have wandered off. These kids need love. They need structure. They need someone to show them how to be polite. How to show respect. And it breaks me when I watch them cower in trepidation when anyone tries to show them love or just smiles at them. Or when you try to talk to them and they hit you thinking it's funny. These kids don't have to follow the pattern of their parents and siblings. They don't have to live their lives doing nothing, dropping out of school, drinking, smoking. They could do so much more, but with no examples in their lives who's going to encourage change? Who's going to show love? Who's going to help them break the mold?
I'm not saying I'll be able do all that. I'm not trying to imply I'm a "savior" of sorts. But what I do know is that the Lord has brought to my attention a need and put me in a position to help do something about that. How? I haven't a clue, but I at least recognize the need and start praying about and trying to figure out how best to start thinking about programs geared towards the future generation of the church, of Zavadka and of Slovak society in general.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
The Power of Communication
Tonight was an absolutely wonderful night. Why? Well, because I spent nearly two and half hours talking openly and honestly about life, the present, the future, the past, the church, what God is teaching and revealing, visions/goals/dreams, strengths, weaknesses and frustrations with The Boy, who in turn talked openly and honestly about life, the present, the future, the past, the church, what God is teaching and showing, visions/goals/dreams, strengths, weaknesses and frustrations. What made it completely great was realizing we're both on the same page about so many things regarding our lives and ministry, and that we, unbeknownst to each other, have thought about or inwardly reacted the same way to some of the exact same things that happened this past week regarding the ministry. I always thought The Boy was a great guy, but tonight's conversation revealed a deeper level of understanding and appreciation for him than before. Yes, yes, I think it's pretty safe to say that I like him even more now than I did before.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
So dad, did mom ever spend time in Slovakia?
Sunday morning I spoke in BB about Z. Dasa translated for me. After the service, one of the men in the church approached Dasa. In my opinion this particular person has always come across as a man with no sense of humor whatsoever, and always has a surly, sour look to him and seems as though he's constantly scowling. He came up to Dasa and said in his rather dry tone, "The whole time you were translating for Emily I couldn't help but wonder if your father spent some time running around America because you and Emily look like twins." I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. Hilarious! And from such an unexpected source, too. Good times, good times.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Vitajte na Dallas
Well, surprise, surprise, surprise! But what I want to know is if they'll actually be helpful and not a waste of time and money. I suppose only time will tell... given that I even have to grace them with my presence in the future.
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