Contentment

Living across the atlantic ocean often has its challenges. Sometimes they're daily, other times weekly, and other times monthly. There are days living here in the village where I just want to throw up my hands, pack a bag (or four), walk to the bus stop, hop on the first bus that arrives and never look back. Where I'd go and what I'd do, I have no idea; I just know that there are days when I'd rather be somewhere else. Days when I don't want to watch the same people act cold towards each other or listen to the same fights, the same problems through the same sobbing tears, the same worries, anxieties, frustrations, the same gossip, the same slander, the same bad words when someone tries to show kindness, the same watered down banter about God and, depending on the emotional state of the person, how wonderful or horrible He is. I grow tired of asking myself, "When will this stop?! Do the believers here have an actual relationship with God? Is the Spirit alive and active in them? Where is the spiritual fruit? Why is it that nothing has changed in x amount of months and/or years? Can I just leave already?"

The Lord has been showing me lately that I need to learn to be content- content in my circumstances, content in where He's placed me, content with whom I'm working, just plain content in general. Contentment and I aren't exactly friends; we're more acquaintances. I can have temporary contentment pretty easily, but then I get bored with that and start getting very close to discontentment. (Oh, why hello, discontentment! I didn't realize you'd be calling to visit so soon. Please, do come in and enjoy some tea with me. Would you like cake or cookies? I'm sure I've got some around here somewhere! How have you been since I saw you last, which was when, last week?) This really bothers me.

"But godliness with contentment is great gain." 1 Timothy 6:6


The Apostle Paul often speaks of contentment. In Philippians 4, he shares with the church in Philippi that he has learned to be content in all circumstances no matter how wonderful or dire they may be. That's what I need to learn. Instead of thinking, Oh, I really don't like [fill in the blank], I think it's time to adios amigos and return to the land of convenience! I need to think, Okay, things aren't great, I'm frustrated with [fill in the blank], but this is where the Lord has me at the moment and until I learn to be content in each and every circumstance I'm dealing with right now, and learn to get along with those around me, I'll always be a discontented being who can only focus on the "what's next?" question. Besides, by leaving, running away, whatever you want to call it, I'd just end up in another place where I'd be in the same situation and having to learn the same thing.

The Boy and I talked about this last night, sharing our personal struggles (which are very different, yet in a way related to each other) and what we feel the Lord is trying to teach us through them. We both came to the conclusion that unless we learn, or at least listen and start making steps towards learning, that moving forward in our relationship will become very difficult. In reality, it's much harder to actually go about doing the learning than just talking about it, but at the same time I know it's time. It's time to learn to be content, and for him to learn in his struggles as well. It's time to face the bear and deal with it rather than looking for bus times and dusting off the luggage.

I pray that I will humbly learn to be content in each and every circumstance, and that the Lord in his mercy will hear my prayer and forgive my stumbling along the way.